http://lifebetweenthecrosshairs.today.com the inner agent.... Wed, 07 Jan 2009 17:12:14 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en The trouble with being a damaged person is that you identify with other damaged persons you encounter. You spend a lifetime patching up those gaping wounds, packing them with distance and indifference. You walk around in a shell of a body, your eyes watching but your soul sleeping. You build ... http://lifebetweenthecrosshairs.today.com/2009/01/07/damaged-goods/ Today I watched myself. From a hidden corner I watched as this shell of skin lived. Dance puppet. Smile on command, raise your eyebrows and feign interest. Move through the day, accomplish this, finish that, start the other. I watched as "I" moved my hands up and down, extending digits, retracting them. Laying ... http://lifebetweenthecrosshairs.today.com/2008/12/03/inert/ In the quiet darkness I wait for sound. For whispers, for words. The darkness confuses me, I am without orientation, senses or reality, as the world clamors beyond my sanctuary.  It feels just at the end of my fingertips, and I trace the blackness around me. My hands slip over the ... http://lifebetweenthecrosshairs.today.com/2008/12/01/today/ I'm running in endless circles. Accusations, phrases, guilt - apology and then we begin again. Each moment is spent on the edge of the world, walking the razors edge balanced on one toe. Despite the acrobatic dance I perform, egg shells crush beneath my feet, shards embedding in the soft ... http://lifebetweenthecrosshairs.today.com/2008/11/24/the-attic/ I throw them out there and watch them waver, like heat waves on the desert highway.  They glisten in the light and they shift, changelings with identities other than what I've sewn for them.  Gaining strength, they come clearer and take a distinct shape of their own choosing. Vibrant nothingness ... http://lifebetweenthecrosshairs.today.com/2008/11/20/mangled/ I stood today, two feet planted firmly on the slippery ground. It seems a metaphor for the changing world I live in, feeling what is beneath you is somehow solid, will hold you up even when the wind blows your hair in your eyes and slaps your cheeks. But it ... http://lifebetweenthecrosshairs.today.com/2008/11/18/different-names-for-the-same-thing/ That space is empty. I didn't hear you walk away, but I see your footprints in the dust. Empty. It is as if the sound has been sucked out of the world, a defeaning quite that filters only the muted thudding of my heart in its chamber. Photographs hang on the wall, ... http://lifebetweenthecrosshairs.today.com/2008/11/17/to-ashes/ Today feels very heavy. I feel like the world is crushing me, with its weight and intent. It's cold, the snow has been blowing and the trees are bare. I know I am staring down the barrel of winter, and I'm feeling like it's reaching into my bones. When the sun ... http://lifebetweenthecrosshairs.today.com/2008/11/16/wish-you-were-here/ Hello, and welcome to the world of Double Agent Girl. This is intended to be a welcome post, a come on in and take of your shoes, or maybe don't, because my house is a mess and please pay no attention to the grilled cheese sandwich stuffed in the mailslot. ... http://lifebetweenthecrosshairs.today.com/2008/11/13/between-the-crosshairs/